ain't it thrilling

It's this time of the year. This time when I get emails from friends and relatives who I haven't heard of the last 12 months. Do you have snow, they ask. Well, yes, we do have snow. Let me tell you how that looks like here.

When it snows, ain't it thrilling,
Though your nose gets a chilling

I try to leave the house in the late morning but find I can't open the door, since the wind has pushed up half a meter snow in front of it.

So I leave the house through the back door just to realize that it's still snowing rather heavily, and I either can't see where I'm walking because my glasses are all snowy, or I can't see where I'm walking because I'm not wearing the glasses. Fighting with the glasses I drop the house-key on what I think should be lawn somewhere below the layers.

I spend 10 minutes searching the stupid house-key, just to then find that it was actually not the house-key I took with me, so I have to go around the house back to the front door.

Where it dawns to me that the reason why the walkway isn't cleared is that my landlord is on vacation since yesterday. And since I haven't really socialized with the neighbors, this means there's nobody who will let me into the house.

I shovel away the snow enough to squeeze myself into the hallway, and then spend another 10 minutes trying to convince an elderly lady that I am neither trying to rob her nor will I sleep in the lobby if she lets me in. I convince her with proving the key I took with me fits to the mailbox, which reveals 3 weeks worth of Pizza delivery flyers.

I then find it would be a better idea to take the car. My timing turns out to be excellent because somebody is just leaving directly in front of me. That somebody courageously makes it down the driveway, where his car gets stuck with the headlights halfways buried in snow where the sideway ends.

It takes 15 minutes to dig out the neighbors car and shove it onto the road. After which I start up high speed and hop on the road as well. The radio announces an endless list of closures and cancellations, and informs me the government of Ontario recommends to drive only in case of emergencies until the roads are cleared.

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,
In the lane, snow is glistening

A couple of cars slide around, make 360° turns on the street crossings, or spray snow fountains while unsuccessfully trying to get through the tougher parts of the road.

I consider getting winter tires, what do you think?

People walk on the streets because the sidewalks are a disaster. Dogs dig their noses into the snow where other dogs have pissed holes. In rare places snow has been piled up already on the hills from last week, that easily exceed several meters height. Some street signs get buried in these hills. And folks, this is just the beginning of the Winter fun!

Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream by the fire
To face unafraid,
The plans that we've made

I think you get the picture? Let me just add the above describes a rather average winter day. For me this year is a definite improvement over last year, because I now have a garage to park the car in, so I won't have to enter through the trunk if the doors are frozen shut.

Some other things I've learned last winter:

• Get the Coke out of the car before it gets really cold and it bursts, thereby splashing frozen Coke chunks all through the car's interior.
• If you didn't get the damned Coke out of the car in a timely manner, scrape off the frozen Coke chunks before Spring time.
• Don't wear shoes with laces. They will become completely stiff after two days because of all the salt on the streets.
• Your CD player, Ipod, Digital Camera, they all have a minimum working temperature below which they will refuse to function. I recommend pairing the Ipod with one of these Chemical Hand warmers. (No idea though why the guy says there is something new about it, I've had them since I was a kid.)
• Consider wearing socks with your Flip Flops.
• Dry your hair before leaving the house. Dry it thoroughly.
• Softness of chewing gum depends crucially on the temperature.
• If your stupid sliding window doesn't open, better leave it closed. If you'll try to unfreeze the ice, chances are you won't be able to close it again which is much worse.
• Don't cry if the outside temperature is below - 25 ° C.